


Desecration

by xagentofchaos



Series: Fireflies [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Attempts of suicide, Character Death, Depression, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, M/M, Poems, Poetry, Self Harm, Steter - Freeform, Thoughts of Suicide, dark!stiles, use of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3688167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xagentofchaos/pseuds/xagentofchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poems by Stiles, written to Peter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Free Bird

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically everything I've been doing in three days. Sue me.
> 
> I love writing poems but I usually write them in my native language (Swedish) and I've probably written three poems in English, only. So this is a challenge for me but a funny one and I thought that I wanted to be a terrible human being by putting Stiles in such horrible situations. 
> 
> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Every title is from songs (I'll link you to them in every chapter). But the songs lyrics' don't necessarily have to do anything with the poems.
> 
> Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgkYN3QjD5M

Flickering lights and two heartbeats  
trembling fingers beneath heavy breaths

Surrounded by comfort  
surrounded by safety

That’s at least what I thought  
as the stars faded  
and the moon sank 

That’s what I thought  
when I heard my name being whispered  
in a white bed  
that morning

But as the morning grew stronger  
when all the living rose to power  
and two heartbeats became one

That’s when I knew  
that my safety faded within the death of the night

At least I thought I knew  
because you didn’t wake up anymore  
in that white bed


	2. Fire Aura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poems by Stiles, written to Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt nice so I gave you two poems in one day. 
> 
> Fire Aura - Kid2Will  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCwjy7UKe5g

Drowning myself in my vodka  
breathing in the steams of my whiskey  
perhaps I should’ve known  
when I first met you

Sailing across divided obstacles   
jumping through crooked barriers  
with the alcohol burning down my throat like fire  
perhaps I should’ve known   
when I first met you

A second feels like ten hours   
and the days are not as bright  
but perhaps I should’ve known  
when I first met you  
that there always was a mountain in your heart  
and an ocean in your soul  
perhaps I should’ve known  
that even the strongest  
are the most torn


	3. Keep me from you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel nice, don't look at me.
> 
> Keep me from you - Madison Lawrence  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBPnMLJEMSA

I cut myself today  
so deep that I could see a whole new world  
a world between veins and arteries 

I got a tattoo of my own name  
with the color of your eyes  
as a constant reminder   
that how much I even try to carve,  
your beauty will always surface 

I had the universe in my bare hands,  
could touch the light of a star   
and even swallow the galaxy’s edge

But my stupidity got me trapped   
in my own selfishness   
thinking that happiness would last forever  
so as I cut myself today I thought of you  
and I will forever crash into nothingness


	4. Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irresistible - Fall Out Boy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNkivNlkjj8

I remembered what you told me one day,  
forty eight hours after full moon,   
you told me about the change of weather   
when you first looked me in the eye  
of how lightning’s barricaded the sky   
and how bright the moon sung when you turned

Also about the pain you’ve never felt   
when you realized the sensation of my skin against yours   
was like a drug you gladly took

You blamed it on the lunar eclipse;  
telling me how your powers weakened   
and you let yourself feel,   
as if that’s why you held me as a shield 

I also remember the pain you felt  
and your screams at night  
when you were back in your lit up house,   
I had to hold you tight so you wouldn’t break   
as you grasped my body with your claws

I remember being your drug you gladly took  
because you consumed me every day   
I don’t remember anything else   
than being your protection


	5. Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very cliché but I like the song. I also like giving hope to the characters just to break it. I'm a sadist that way. 
> 
> Hold On - Tom Waits  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkpaKx1UUUw

Don’t let go, little sparrow, I tell myself  
don’t spread your wings yet   
but I’m always on the edge of running  
constantly battling with your demons  
and my own

I made you a promise that I will keep  
no matter how cliché it is  
because you lost a war to the world   
and I will fight in your name   
as a promise I made to you 

Holding on to that rope you threw at me  
dragging myself further and further away from the end  
willing to survive for you


	6. I'll surely die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sadist.
> 
> I'll surely die - The Rubens   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5R4NPe08Sg

I’m sorry, Peter  
but I let darkness consume me this weekend  
eating me whole  
without spitting me out

Feeling like a ghost tied me up,   
with them using my body as a toy  
and hitting my skull against solid wall  
over and over again

Screaming until my throat was bleeding,   
making my tear ducts raw  
and suffocating myself into a pillow  
over and over again

The wounds on my arms are itching  
but the ghosts won’t let me scratch with my fingertips,   
they continue tormenting my triggered soul  
by carving your initials into the scars


	7. Blame it on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame it on me - George Ezra   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGVSCW_YsYM

I had a nightmare tonight,  
having you on my mind,  
and I woke up screaming

My dad ran into my room,  
holding me closely to wake me up,  
he told me it was just a dream

But as the day passed  
and I started to remember what I saw,  
I realized he was lying

I saw your face in my head  
behind my drunken eyelid  
and you were on fire

I realized my dad lied to me,  
that morning,  
to keep me sane

But I’m falling into a dream world,  
not because it’s better   
but because it’s real


	8. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wake Up - Suicide Silence  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXEzGn_68ZU

It’s time to wake up now, Stiles,   
Scott told me a while ago  
when the sun hit rock bottom  
and I’d just swallowed the last ounce of jaeger 

It’s been seven months, he told me  
almost a year,   
you can’t allow yourself to suffer anymore

Can you believe this, Peter  
both you and me would’ve laughed at him  
synchronized and sarcastically 

But I just told him to fuck off


	9. The Rat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really into steter daddy/princess okay. Don't judge me.
> 
> The Rat - Infected Mushroom  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWoQ9SZBhWs

You’d probably laugh at me  
for writing these things  
whatever they’re called,   
poems I think;   
we wrote them at some point in school

I would tell you to go to hell  
and you would countered with calling me a rat,   
smirking at me when I’d pout and tell you I hate you  
only because you know when I lie 

I’d only forgive you after you call me your princess  
a thousand times over


	10. In the minds of evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is sex.
> 
> In the minds of evil - Deicide  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSkc-ZISYQM

I can’t do this, Peter  
I can’t fight for anything that will break  
it’s too dark in me, I can’t even see 

My brain is occupied with drug substance  
and my wrists are filled with darkened scars

Am I wrong for wanting to die, Peter?  
Am I evil or selfish? 

Would you still love me if I lost the ongoing war?


	11. Killpop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the best band in the whole world, cry with me.  
> Also, read the lyrics.
> 
> Killpop - Slipknot  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzqvILupbUs

It’s been two months since I wrote one of these;  
corrupting my mind with pretty,  
but broken,  
words 

Lydia forced me to go to therapy  
as if I’m not allowed to miss you  
because it’s wrong  
because I am

And they wonder why  
I keep pushing them away

I was in hospital for two months  
same white room as you;  
begging them to kill me


	12. All of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of me - John Legend  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk7-GRWq7wA

It’s been twelve months   
a whole year without your hands on me  
fifty two weeks   
three hundred and sixty five days   
which have felt like a decennium;  
basically hell 

I surrender to the darkness in me,   
Peter,   
I surrender to the numb


	13. Hatar allt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Hatar allt' means 'hate everything' in Swedish. 
> 
> Hatar allt - Den svenska björnstammen  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxXifGr-f2Y
> 
> Here's the translated lyrics in case you're interested  
> http://lyricstranslate.com/en/hatar-allt-hate-everything.html

I swear I saw you today,  
it was you,  
I saw it

I told Scott when he heard my heart race like crazy  
but I didn’t listen when he said that we were alone

You looked beautiful   
with the sun hitting your face,  
I never told you that,  
did I?

Neither did I tell Scott because he already thought I was insane  
so when he snapped me back to reality he looked worried 

You were gone when I turned back  
maybe you were in a hurry  
because both heaven and hell wants you


	14. Stay with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay with me - Sam Smith   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rC8RRXcfeo

The silky, burning flavor of liquor   
down my throat   
and millions of threads made by cotton  
doesn’t chafe when I put it around my neck

A taste of smell from our photo albums  
while tracing my fingers on scratched images  
when I tried to delete myself to have you back

The full moon’s light is dancing with the shadows tonight  
holding my hands in its own   
as if to comfort me when the wolfs howl to her 

Or maybe, a traitorous thought sneaked pass   
my mental barriers,   
filling me up with murderous hope 

Maybe it’s you whose soul is in the moon at last  
maybe it’s your hands I’m holding tonight  
and you’re begging me to stay


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad company - Bad company  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww5GXbk58R0

How long does it take for a person to go insane

How long will it be before I go insane

How long did it take for you 

Were you insane before the fire  
in your house   
when your family members became nothing  
but ashy powder   
smelling like burnt flesh 

Or was it when you were in a coma for six years  
waiting for your scarred remains to heal

Did you go insane when I did the second most horrible thing  
I could’ve done to you  
after you had waited for so long  
to become whole

I went insane when you died  
destroyed myself physically and mentally  
by drinking my liver to death   
and cutting the meat off my bones   
looking at your smile from the pictures I took 

Did you go insane when I was too bad for you  
as I went insane because you were too good?


	16. Sleepless nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleepless nights - Yvonne  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH-KoQrs7pU

The windows in my room are broken  
I use the halves to open my skin  
hiding the remains underneath my bed 

The walls in my room are moving closer  
suffocating me with its hard flesh   
crushing me in between 

The roof in my room is gone   
there is only blackness above me  
screaming at me at nights 

The floor in my room is not a floor  
it’s the most hollow pit to nothing  
untrustingly sending me down


	17. Hunters will be hunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunters will be hunted - Heaven shall burn  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ2f1txmG6o

I’ve figured out what I have to do, Peter  
I know why I’m yet alive   
the blue sky answered my question

Being a psychopath was told to be your thing  
when I and Scott found your niece underground  
but I can be a murderer too   
because I have been before   
I just have to use my brain, like you told me I could 

Perhaps it will be called I took revenge in your name  
when our story is hitting the web   
but I say it’s whatever it takes


	18. Mazes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, it gets better. 
> 
> Mazes - TUGG (feat. Ted Bowne)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-3m34OfuII

The blood is nearly dry on my dirty clothes  
I haven’t yet cared to burn it up  
smelling the copper through my nostrils   
I suddenly understand the high 

Getting off on rubbing their terrified screams  
on my sensitive skin,   
moaning in their ears as they die by my hand,   
licking the delicate sweat  
and keeping the memory of their fear   
I suddenly understand the high


	19. Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.
> 
> Colors - Laleh  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGa0x7jQKys

For the first time in two years  
I saw the color blue   
you know the vibrant version  
that always used to make my knees weak

It stared back at me   
surrounded with wide smiles  
the kind I haven’t cared to notice in a long while 

I just left without looking back   
without hearing them calling for me   
didn’t want to see the blue fade again


	20. Scar tissue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go!
> 
> Scar tissue - Red hot chilli peppers  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvAn8PzM-c8

Scott told me what they had done  
all of them  
the entire pack   
just to hear the lungs in me heave again 

I couldn’t speak for hours  
didn’t know what to ask  
but now I have one question

Is it you?


	21. Feeling good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling good - Nancy Simone  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Y11hwjMNs

Yes, princess 

It’s me

/Peter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of Fireflies is now d o n e.   
> Thank you for reading!  
> Stay tuned for part 2.


End file.
